so i was told today, that i cannot exercise. apparently stuff with my body is so messed up that if i do anything more strenuous then walking i could make things worse and harder to fix.
the silver lining in all this, (i suppose) is that i am fixable, at least.

i think my new nickname should be lemon. as in, she's a lemon that one.

Cut

This is the trailer of a very amazing documentary I just watched about circumcision, and how it intertwines with religion/the history behind it, and the truth about it.
Which is that it is an unnecessary, and extremely painful medical surgery, that carries risks ( baby boys die of this every year in North America ) and in my opinion is a violation of human rights. I am not extraordinarily passionate about many things. A woman's right to choose about all things reproductive, including where and how they give birth. Is my primary passion. Right up there with that though is to stop the cutting/mutilation of baby boys. I encourage you guys to watch this, and you can also watch an abridged version of the documentary online, on you tube and on their site.
The director does a very good job of being respectful to all sides and talking about the TRUTH of it. There is no benefits to being circumcised.
Period
If your religion dictates it, then by all means, that is your freedom.
But, I respectfully disagree with you completely on this.

p.s.
It became popular in the 1900's in America because doctors said that it would help prevent masturbation.

..and his world is cracked in half

I am glad this week is nearly over.
Really, really.

Some things were good. We ate really well this week, lots of fruit and vegi.
But some things were painful, and I'm using this to write it all out here. I need to put all these swirling bits down somewhere.
I want to pre-empt this all by saying I am in a pretty pleasant mood today, we both are. Aside from weird pinchy nerve in my neck bit.
That can just go away now please.
edit: and wouldn't you know. as soon as I finished writing this, it vanished. poof!
~~~~~~~~~~

Usually our weeks go something like, Cristy is an emotional [rip] tide, Taylor is my buoy.
But this week, this week Taylor got another piece of his heart broken by his family, again.

It was terrible to watch. I was watching it happen in slow motion playback, I was trapped in a dream and could not make my body move quick enough to stop it all from happening. I watched it travel from his brain, to his face, to finally, his heart.
I immediately try to soothe, "Maybe, it was a mistake, maybe he didn't realize, maybe maybe maybe" While I am saying all this, I watch his face harden and crumble at the same time. "Does this mean he never even reads what I write to him, all the things I send to him. Does this mean he doesn't look at any of it?"

What do you do when someones heart is breaking in front of you?
You can say whatever you want about families. But we all want our parents to love us, and we all want to talk to our brothers and sisters. That connection and relationship, that feeling of belonging, somewhere, is important.
How do you tell him that, maybe, maybe he should take a break from it all. Maybe he shouldn't talk to them for awhile.
That he needs protect himself and his heart.
He's already forgiven one brother, his brother who should be in prison for what he did to him, to my Taylor. I don't even know how he did. How do you forgive someone who nearly beat you to death?
Even more, how do you forgive a family who did nothing about it?
Who shrugged their shoulders and said, "He's just out of control"

They have all been given a lot of chances.
So yes, I want Taylor to not talk to them for awhile.

The family of 'geniuses'
I don't care how brilliant and intellectual they all are.
Because they did something very foolish.
They threw their baby out with the bathwater.

So, today I've actually done stuff.
Breakfast:
Tofu Smoothie:
Almond silken tofu
Vanilla silken soy milk
Honey
Cinnamon
Raw cacao powder

Lunch
Vegetable Soup
Toasted Whole Grain English Muffin (for Taylor, I didn't have one)

Snack:
APPLE :D
*******
Taylor has been sick all day, he has bile again.

my poor sad boy

It's where the bile that is supposed to stay in one place leaks back into somewhere else.
I guess like leaky gut syndrome. He seems to share some of the symptoms of GERD.
So, because of that. I had to get the groceries today all by myself. ALL BY MYSELF. Which, I know. No big deal. It's about a 5-7 minute walk dragging our stupid grocery cart. Which then pushing our stupid and now ridiculously heavy grocery cart back home. Then. THEN lugging it up the stairs to get in the building, THEN lugging it up the stairs in the lobby to get to the freaking elevator. I was a moron for wearing my Dr. Martens which have to be defective because, whenever I wear them they rip blisters into the backs of my heals. And I wasn't wearing them for very long before they did that. So that made the walk home even more torturous.
I did have fun though, it was nice to get some air.

But groceries. I got so much fruit. I usually am not a big fan of fruit but lately I've been mega into the Pineapple and Apples. Royal Gala apples to be specific. So I got that and some really cool looking plums. OH! And grapefruit!

GO FRUIT!

Grocery List 31/03/09
2 grapefruit
6 apples
3 plums
cored pineapple
salad
sliced mushrooms tray
2 broccoli heads
spanish onion
stir fry sauce
whole grain english muffins
2 cups of spicy noodles (on sale! 69 cents!)
Tub of peach yogurt (from a local dairy)
3 almond silken tofu packs
rubicon juice (on sale 99 cents. way too sweet though)
chapmans frozen yogurt. madagascar vanilla bean.
2 cans of sweet peas (weird peas craving today)
2 cans of habitat vegetable soup
oatmeal chocolate chunk mix

total : 43 dollars

I'm putting the list here mainly to keep track of how much we spend on food this month.

Thinking..

I miss being able to hang out with my dad.

For all the irritating and ridiculous things he says, for all his Archie Bunker one liners.
I miss waking up on Saturday mornings because I can hear him drumming through my ear plugs, or watching drum teaching video's and Rush concert dvds. I miss going downtown to buy records and have coffee. Making fun of his crazy pants that he wears around the house that he's had since I was little.

If you are a father and have a daughter.
She will remember.
She'll remember the adventure walks from when she was 6. She'll remember how you reacted to the cup she made for you in kindergarten, or the midnight snack when she was 4. She'll remember that you actually liked her, as a person. Not just because she was your daughter and you had too.

And she will love you forever because of it..

Thinking..

sometimes you can know too much.
sometimes knowing too much hurts.

Thinking..

You know it's PMS when :
They ask you whats wrong and,
First you snarl at them, followed by lots of sobbing/whimpering/nobody LOVES me

Change

I need to try to go for long walks at least three times a week. I need to test and see if more exercise with my legs can strengthen them enough so that the pain can get better on its own.

I really need this to be true.

I was able to keep up with my two (nearly 6 ft) friends today for 3 hours of walking an standing, with only about a 20 min break at the bakery. Albeit, I was very sore when we got back home but, it wasn't the worst. It wasn't even as bad as Saturday.

Now, if only these Charlie Horse cramps in the front of my thigh muscles would stop. I would really love to go to sleep.

Tonight I made broccoli, with Spanish onion and mushroom stir fry and rice. I also fried some Nan pita bread in veg oil a bit. It was a big hit.
I've been enjoying in a way, the challenge of being a hostess. Cooking and getting out the house when I would normally just slag it all off.