16.1.09

So let me tell you all about the Time that big burly Immigration Cops laughed in my face and then fingerprinted me

...and then tried to decide whether or not I was a possible terrorist/identity theft person

OMFG

The evening start out with my mother and I going to Detroit to pick up my sister and niece from their very, and I mean VERY over due flight in from Hawaii.
(which also managed to LOSE ALL THEIR LUGGAGE)

A tiny back story first though:
I have a NOTARIZED photo I.D.

I refused to use it all this years because it COMPLETELY looks non legit and, I do mean
COMPLETELY.
the only time I've used it was to get on a military base, and it worked then.
But anyways

Flash forward to the Canada/U.S. border crossing.

Me:
"Mom, I really think this is probably a bad idea."

Mom:
"Nonsense, just be nice and polite and we'll have no problems"
(because that's how all Canadians get through sticky issues. Being nice and polite)

hahahahahahahahahhahahaaaaaaa..

Anyways, we get to the border and the guy is all like. "Citizenship" and we say "Canadian" and pass over our stuff.
In my case the notarized thing and my Birth Certificate.

The guys looks at it and is like, "What is this? Why you don't have a passport?"
I reply,"Not yet, I need to get my photo health card first."

I.C: (immigration cop)
"You don't have a drivers license?"

Me:
"No. I live in Toronto."

I.C.:
"So why are you in Windsor then?"

Me:
"I'm visiting my family for the holidays"

Then, he gives us that AMAZING orange piece of paper thingy and we have to drive around to the Customs Immigration and leave our phones and stuff in the car.
(I don't know why, maybe if we had a phone bomb?)

We get in there and the guy is like "Give me the orange piece of paper thingy."
Which we do.
Then we give him all our I.D. He looks at my mums stuff, ( of course she has a fricken' passport)
and so she can sit down.

I.C. guy turns to me.
"What is this?" (notarized I.D. thing)

I explain.
"It's a notarized I.D. thingy..blah blah blah"
He replies,
"This is completely useless."

And then throws its at me.

THEN, he calls this other guy over (who is TOTALLY harassing these two, poor girls who are from Cuba about, "Why do you have your passports with you? If you live in America then why are you bringing your passports with you!" *snarling*)

So, I'm all like, (in my head of course)
"DUDE! The FUCKING SIGN SAYS, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A MOTHER EFFING PASSPORT!"
By now, He's going through their stuff and asking them about the men in their family (Seriously America. Ease up on effing Cubans) and now the poor girls are crying.

Back to me and my whole issue being, I DON'T have a passport.
So now, I'm trying my best to not get all righteously indignant and pissy with this guy *who is new by the way* because, BULLY'S.

Bully I.C. guy comes over and is being all looking up and downy (I think he was trying to intimidate me perhaps?) at me and staring at my blue hair.

New I.C. guy is asking Bully I.C. guy about what to do. Because I only have a birth certificate, and no real photo I.D. and how do they know I'm really me and not stealing someones identity or forging my stuff? *I should add, I also gave them my SIN card and my regular Health Card, but I guess that wasn't good enough.*
(SERIOUSLY)
At this point a did a laugh snort. Because, I mean.
!!

I look around to see my mother sitting and She looks to be praying really hard, and really silently that I don't go all "Listen here buddy, I have a blog!" on the guys.
Which I didn't, I really did not.
I was almost respectful. I was quiet, and answered their questions. (albeit glaringly)

THEN
The guys wanted to know my sisters name, her last name, her husbands name, ( who is in the U.S. military for crap sake) and her kids name.
I.C. :
"Why is she coming to visit?"
Me:
"For the Holidays"

I.C.:
"How long are they staying?"

Me:
"Till the 9th"

I.C.:
"Is she a U.S. citizen?"

Me:
"No"
I.C.:
"When was she born?"
(My mother has to write it down for them, which they spend ten minutes trying to find her in their system. I don't know if they do or not.)

Then, when they were satisfied they went back to discussing me.

Bully:
"Well you can ship her back, or hold her here. Or, you could put her in the system as a possible offender. So that if she tries to come over with another identity we'll have her picture and prints."

Guess which one they pick?!

Hahaha! Right?!

At this point though, it gets LITERALLY laughable.
As in I'm just like, "Seriously? Well sure you can take my picture and print me. OF COURSE YOU CAN IMMIGRATION COP GUY WITH A GUN!"

I did start to feel bad for the new guy though. He was starting to look embarrassed.
Possibly, because I was looking him in the eye the whole time.

But then!
The electronic fingerprint thing wasn't working.
Nope.
They had to find another one, and new cop guy?
Totally sweating.
HA

Second fingerprint scanner thing works.
Then he took my picture.

And now there is a photo of an Irritated, Blue haired chick staring straight at the Immigration Cop Man in the Possible Offenders thing for U.S. and Canadian Customs.
(just in case she tries to thwart us again with another identity)

Anyways, they obviously let me go.

Thankfully sisters plane was late.

But, I'm still wondering about those two, poor girls.

And someday, somewhere,
BULLY IMMIGRATION COP MAN.
You are So gonna get your Karma for being such a Stupid Dick.

The End.

6 comments:

Sarcastica said...

Immigration cops, as a law, are bullies and idiots. This story was great though lmfao!

Anna Elmira said...

Haha...that's a funny rant! I loathe the border! AND I'm glad you liked my rant...more rants to come! RANTS ROCK!

cristymuranda said...

anna-
well, your rant was a very important one. it made me think. which i appreciated.
but, i'm glad you enjoyed my bit. it was seriously stress full but i could not look over the hilariousness of it even at the time.

sarcastica-
i know they're supposed to be brutal. but it was just so over the top man! anyways, no harm no foul. except now i'm in the 'system'

rudecactus said...

What a pain in the ass!

cristymuranda said...

i know eh?!

tolucky said...

oh my goodness, I think this encapsulates the entire airport traveling process within the U.S. especially when you have to go through the MI airport! but I imagine they are a lot nicer to Cubans, since half of the workers there are themselves.

I hope nothing unjust happened to those two girls--I can only imagine.

By the way, I like your blog lots =]