20.5.08

in whereas, i explain things

soooo

updates updates, where to begin.


the mister and i (taylor would be his name, which i've mentioned but anyways)
have been married now for over two months. which honestly have been. VERY stressful. mostly.

mainly because of our living situation. as in it sucks. and its sucked since we've been here. which has been for about 11months. ya.

its been a big test of our relationship.

how well we can communicate with eachother and problem solve. which actually is, pretty damn well.

considering i've been a pretty huge emotional wreck for the past three years, which has only been heightened by being on the pill.
and tay has a mild form of aspergers which is on the autism spectrum. he's been tested and on some things he's at genius level and some other things are a bit more of a challenge.

but, he's working on them. its pretty cool to see actually. like one month he'll have a problem with making breakfast. for instance. i'll ask him to put some bread in the toaster. and, for whatever reason. he can't. like, its a mental block. he just cant. but then. he'll start pushing himself too try. and now, he's the person who makes breakfast. he takes care of the tea and the toast and everything. no more problem.

the awesome thing is once he wraps his head around how to do something then its fixed. no more problem. he can do it. the other thing. is how much patience he has. he will keep working at something till its perfect. for hours and hours and over and over he'll do it until its right. which is actually part of the whole aspergers thing. i mean, there are problems. he'll get hyper focused on something and have a really hard time stopping but honestly. its not that bad. really, its not bad at all.

and then there's me. crazy cristy. ha. i've had some readers say that they want to know things about me. and, i just don't know what to say. ask me about anyone or anything else. and i could write a book. but when it comes to me? i don't know.

there isnt that many things that i find that fun to do. i've always focused on everyone else. and how to make other people happy. being with tay has been stretching in the sense that. now i have the time to think. what do i want to do? he gets so frustrated with me, asking me. what do you want to do!? and i don't know. i really don't. its scary you know, not knowing. before i spent all my time being anxious or worried about other things. but now, ya know. im not going to end up alone. he isnt going to leave. nothing bad is going to happen. i dont really have any more excuses.

i struggled with anxiety and depression since i was ten. i can remember feeling so hopeless and depressed when i was ten and we were living on a reservation. but i've never had anxiety in the sense of being terrified of things, or people. im not afraid of people in the sense that, "OH! they are going to hurt me!" its been a problem. and now, being on the pill. oh my god. i get the 'crazy' every month. my doctor is four hours away so its kinda an ordeal to go see him to switch or figure something else out. but now that we're moving and getting our own place we'll be in windsor anyways to get furniture and stuff. plus im covered under taylors benefits, so another huge stress i dont have to worry about anymore.

i feel like i've just been rambling. but i needed to type out something. to sum it all up. things are finally looking up and im not sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop or bottom out or whatever.

which, speaking of shoes. i really need some. i have literlly. two pairs of converse. dr. martens. and new balance runing shoes. and a pair of flip flops. i am so lame.

but hey. i did spend most of my income tax at Sephora. so, maybe that balanced out the girl universe a little.


goodnight bloggers, diarists, and lurkers.



ps. its so lame that mace is illegal here. i mean. seriously. whats a girl supposed to carry around with her? numchucks?

4 comments:

Nat said...

Honestly, getting off the pill of hormone-based birth control made life SOOO much easier from an emotional perspective.

rudecactus said...

My wife gave me a card a long time ago. It showed two kids on the front, holding hands dressed in yellow rain slickers walking through a yard. Inside it read, "We'll always be okay as long as we have snacks." For some reason that just struck me as so perfect and so true that I've held on to it ever since and it still gives me chills and makes me happy.

apricot. said...

You're back. :] Yay. I've been wondering about you.

Which birth control are you on? I'm on ortho tricylen lo & it does wonders! I've never had any complications...

Mace is, apparently, illegal here, too. Why? I don't know. ;/

cristymuranda said...

Apricot- im on the same as you. and it hasnt made any difference. i actually think i might need to be on something to balance out the pmdd specifically. and, im glad to be back :)

Cactus- that is awesome, and very special.
thank you for sharing. you made me cry jirk >.<